Is This Normal? A Parent’s Guide to the Stages of Toddler Play
A Research-Backed Guide to Help You Understand Your Toddler’s Play
Have you ever left a playdate thinking, “Wait… why didn’t my kid play with the other kids?”
Same. You pack the snacks, you show up on time, you chat with the other parents. Meanwhile, your toddler is off on their own, totally uninterested in what anyone else is doing. Maybe they’re watching from the sidelines, maybe they’re just happily playing by themselves. And then on the way home, the questions start creeping in.
Should they be more social? Are we behind? Am I missing something?
What if I told you that what you’re seeing is pretty normal. Actually, it’s more than normal. It’s an important part of how toddlers grow and learn through play.
The thing is, toddlers don’t dive right into group play. It’s something they grow into, one small step at a time. There are six research-backed stages that every child moves through on their way to playing with others. Most of those stages happen before any sharing or teamwork shows up.
So today, we’re going to walk you through “the ladder” of those 6 stages of play, what they look like in real life, and how you can support your toddler at every stage without pushing them ahead before they’re ready.
It’s like a mini workshop, right here in your inbox. And by the end, we hope you’ll feel a little more at ease, and a lot more confident in how you show up as your child’s play partner.
Let’s get into it.
The 6 Stages of Play:
Before we get started, we want to remind you (1) these stages aren’t rigid steps on a checklist and (2) every child develops at their own pace. They might bounce between stages or linger in one for a while. And that’s perfectly okay.
Honestly, adults do it too! You might spend the morning painting solo (solitary play), then head to a work event where you collaborate on a group project (cooperative play). Same skills, just grown-up versions.
Let’s take a closer look at each stage:
1. Unoccupied Play (Birth to ~3 Months)
At this stage, babies are just beginning to explore their bodies and movements. It might look like they’re doing nothing, but they’re busy learning how their arms and legs work.
What it looks like:
Kicking legs, waving arms, batting at objects (sometimes missing, sometimes connecting!), twisting their bodies, and making spontaneous movements.
Why it matters:
This early “play” is how babies build body awareness, motor skills, and muscle control.
How you can support:
Offer lots of floor time. Tummy time is especially helpful here. Just your face, your voice, and a safe space for movement.
2. Solitary Play (~3 Months into Adulthood)
Now your child starts to engage deeply with toys or objects on their own. They might be surrounded by people but totally immersed in their own world.
What it looks like:
A toddler lining up toy cars, flipping through a book, or building a block tower all on their own.
Why it matters:
Solitary play builds independence, attention span, and problem-solving. It also shows that your child is learning to enjoy time by themselves (a very healthy skill!).
How you can support:
Make space for solo play. You don’t always have to jump in and sometimes your quiet presence is all they need.
3. Onlooker Play (~2.5 Years into Adulthood)
This one’s easy to miss, but it’s actually a really important stage. Your child watches other kids play, but doesn’t join in just yet. They’re taking mental notes.
What it looks like:
A child standing near a sandbox, silently watching the others build castles. Maybe they ask a question or two, but don’t engage directly.
Why it matters:
Onlooker play helps children learn by observation. They’re picking up on social cues, understanding how games work, and building the courage to join in later.
How you can support:
Don’t rush them in. Let them observe from a safe distance and talk with them about what they see. “Wow, look at those big towers! What would you build?”
4. Parallel Play (~3.5 Years into Adulthood)
This is when kids play next to each other. They’re doing similar things, but not quite interacting yet.
What it looks like:
Two children sitting side-by-side, each pushing cars along a track, or coloring in their own notebooks. They’re close, but they’re doing their own thing.
Why it matters:
Parallel play is a bridge to social play. Kids learn to share space, notice each other, and play independently while being aware of others.
How you can support:
Set up shared play spaces with similar materials like two sets of blocks or puzzles. It’s okay if they don’t talk much yet; just being near each other is progress.
5. Associative Play (~4 Years into Adulthood)
Now things start to get a little more social. Children begin to show interest in one another, even if they’re not working toward a shared goal.
What it looks like:
Two children are drawing at the same table. One is using markers and the other is using stickers. They’re chatting as they work, or trading materials back and forth.
Why it matters:
This stage helps build communication, cooperation, and emotional connection. They’re learning how to relate to peers.
How you can support:
Join in occasionally to model conversations: “Can you hand her the glue?” or “Wow, you’re both making animals!” Encourage interaction, but keep it low-pressure.
6. Cooperative Play (~4.5 Years into Adulthood)
This is the stage most parents picture when they think of “playing together.” There’s a shared goal and lots of back-and-forth collaboration.
What it looks like:
Building a blanket fort, assigning roles in a pretend restaurant, or playing a board game with turn-taking and rules.
Why it matters:
Cooperative play strengthens teamwork, communication, and problem solving. It’s the foundation of true friendships.
How you can support:
Offer activities that require teamwork like scavenger hunts, pretend play, or building something together. Be nearby to help navigate any hiccups, but let them take the lead.
Our Role as the Parent
We’re not just on the sidelines here, friend.
You are your child’s first and most important play partner. Especially in the early stages! Here are a few practical ways you can play your part.
Observe and Respond
Pay attention to where your child is developmentally and meet them there. This builds trust and helps them feel seen.
Model and Guide
As social play begins, model language and gentle social cues. Things like “Can I have a turn?” or “Let’s build together” go a long way.
Celebrate the Little Wins
Every new stage is a milestone worth noticing even if it’s something as simple as handing a toy to another child or watching a group more closely than before.
Create the Space
A safe, inviting space and a mix of solo and group opportunities (playdates, library time, park visits) has all the potential to offer what they need.
A helpful way to think about how your toddler’s play grows over time
Unoccupied Play – Just observing and exploring. It looks like nothing, but it’s everything.
Solitary Play – Playing alone. A sign of healthy independence and imagination.
Onlooker Play – Watching others play without joining in (yet). They're learning so much here.
Parallel Play – Side-by-side, not quite together. Think “together but separate.”
Associative Play – Sharing materials and space, but not working toward a shared goal.
Cooperative Play – Finally! Working and playing with others. The group games begin.
Every child moves through these stages in their own time, and many bounce between them depending on the day, the toy, or even the mood. So if your toddler isn’t quite teaming up for tea parties or block towers just yet, it’s okay. They’re still right on track.
A Final Thought
You don’t have to be the entertainer, the teacher, or the social director. Honestly, you just need to be there. Showing up with a little curiosity, a lot of love, and just the right amount of patience.
Watching your toddler move through these stages of play is about building trust, feeling safe, and growing together. And you’re doing that. One block tower, one quiet moment, one playdate at a time.
That’s pretty amazing.
P.S. Hey friend, if you found this helpful, then we know you’ll love our signature Play Guide. It’s designed to support you in building a strong play habit at home, one day at a time.
Thanks for being here! Let’s keep going. Together.
References:
Parten, M. B. (1932). Social participation among pre-school children. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 27(3), 243–269. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0074524
https://pubs.asha.org/doi/10.1044/0161-1461.1103.154
